Many people want to know "why" I would have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. No I have never been a soldier or at war, I did want to join the Air Force and took the test in High School with one other girl and a bunch of laughing boys (laughing at the 2 females). The recruiters didn't though and I'm proud to say that when the recruiters came back they told the guys to "shut it" because the 2 females beat out almost everyone of them score wise. Why didn't I do it? Eye sight mainly. I have always had horrible eyesight and they wouldn't let me fly, that is what I wanted to do - fly, like my father who was an Army Helicopter Pilot.
Back on subject...one of the things people need to understand about PTSD is that it isn't always just "one" thing that triggers the illness. Most times, like with mine, many stressors and mini-trauma's in my life combined into the point where my soul and my brain just said "NO MORE" and I literally felt like I broke. My psychologist favorite comment to make was "You didn't have a nervous breakdown, because nerves don't break". 0.o hmph could have fooled my body! What are those trauma's and stressors? Different for each person which is why no one can understand you or your pain - it is YOURS. Everyone handles things differently, what may be "nothing" to you, could be the final straw to someone else that leads them down the road to needing help. Besides, in my view point, I am not going to "list" my trauma's to you, "HELLO, what part of the fact they were traumatizing did you not get"? Finding new doctors, therapists, anything will always set who I'm going to call a "survivor" back because they all make you retell - therefore, reliving your trauma. Most people consider that "helpful" but not always. Each time I have to "retell" every single one of my "points of life", I am so proud of myself thinking I did such a good job! "pat on the back time" Than about 2 hours later my world crashes down around me again and it lasts about 2 to 3 days - not such a good job after all.
In order to get better, I have had to do some major mental work. It isn't easy and it is down right painful. Facing things that your subconscious deliberately pushed to the back of your mind, looking through it again and again to find the truth, the answer that YOU need out of it. No one can find it for you, which makes this a very lonely illness. People want to help but there really isn't anything anyone can do - but be there. We aren't the easiest of people to always be around with major mood swings, sudden depression, sometimes violent tendencies but the fact that someone cares enough to still be standing there when that episode stops says everything. I know that if there are violent tendencies it is better to leave the person alone, please don't be around them, they don't need the guilt of hurting you physically when they weren't able to help it. There is medicine to help with that and counseling. The main thing you have to remember is the person you love/d is still in there, they are simply going through a living hell that they have to manouver and navigate themselves. Others can be there to guide and assist, but in the end, its your brain, your pain, and up to you to sort it out and figure out what you can forgive of others, of yourself, and what you can live with.
